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SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.