Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.