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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Does the Food Network deliver?
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
hilarious
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.