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Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.