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Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
thinks we need to think like a first grade teacher and separate Romney and Gingrich next time they debate!
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.
The less you know, the more you think you do.