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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic