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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
I know money talks but I wish mine had a better vocabulary instead of just ‘Spend me’.
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
I hate when the remote is way over there
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.