Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
My sleep number is 100 proof.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.