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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.