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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.