Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.