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My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
It`s time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it`s over
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.