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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.