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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
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Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.