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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
I want it all and I want it delivered.
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.