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Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
I never get caught because I`ve watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
The well behaved rarely make history.
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.