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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!