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Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
I`m sorry, we can`t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.