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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I`d choke to death swallowing it.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that`s the last thing I need.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
So can we just skip to summer now?
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues