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What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.