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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
You, my friend, deserve a high-five... that’s four more fingers than I normally give.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a prescription bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness."
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree