Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
real eyes realize real lies
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?
My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat "less pizza", but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.