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My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?