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Please don`t hastag out loud...
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
A man is as faithful as his options
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode