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I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.