Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.