Daily Silly Status

So what was the best thing before sliced bread?

We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.

I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.

Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky

It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.

Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd

You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.

People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.

It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo

This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.

25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.

I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!

If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.