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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.