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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
I drink coffee for your protection.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.