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A wise man once said nothing.
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
If the shoe fits, buy it.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.