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Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
The less you know, the more you think you do.