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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.