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Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)