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There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
I drink because people talk.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.