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The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
"Oh my god, you`ve gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mom
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?