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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
They should make Vodka ChapStick
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.