Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.