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My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
Save time. See it my way.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!