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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
i am not so think, as you drunk i am
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.