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"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.