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I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me