Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
I don`t know what`s longer, a treadmill minute or a microwave minute.
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
It should really be called teethpaste.
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.