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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.