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Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.