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This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.