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Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.