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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.