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Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
I am going to open "The Karma Cafe" There will be no menus though. You will get what you deserve!
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.