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Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.