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I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
sleep is for people without netflix
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.