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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.