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Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
The future is much like the present, only longer.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
Youth is wasted on the young.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal