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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...