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What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I`d choke to death swallowing it.
Cashiers are always checking me out.
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.