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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
Why didn`t Spider-Man`s enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.