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Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you. I promise.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
Someone asked me today if ive ever been with two women at the same time. But why would I want to disappoint two women at the same time?
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
You can always count on me to feel you up when you`re feeling down
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.