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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.