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"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"