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Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.