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Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.