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I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
And then her mood ring just...exploded
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
exercise........you mean extra fries
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
Whenever you can`t think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I`ve been thinking about killing you."
It needs more cowbell!!
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."