Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.