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I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.