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Everyone around me keeps telling me I`m mean ... Which is absurd ... Plus, they`re ugly.
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective