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I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...