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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
I want to sleep tighter
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.