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I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
To be clever can be difficult without caffiene.
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.