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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
You can`t control who comes into your life. But you can control which window you throw them out of.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
It`s always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing domino`s"
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.